Thanksgiving has arrived at our table, a day for (what would you think?) giving thanks.
I always do my part. So while I still can buckle my belt, here goes.
My thanks to:
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade: For being the best parade, the only one that matters to an I-don’t-care-about-or-understand parades guy.
Turkeys: For making the ultimate flocking sacrifice.
Hams: For at least making an effort to catch up.
Chargering: For becoming a sad but important part of our sporting lexicon.
Ted Leitner is the voice of San Diego State football and basketball.
(San Diego Union-Tribune)
Ted Leitner: For keeping on keeping on, and insisting I came up with “Chargering,” which, coming from him, I’m thankful for.
A.J. “Teflon Gepetto” Preller: For the second time in a row making the right choice for Padres manager.
Mike Shildt: For, after being a member of the Padres’ staff since 2022, agreeing to meet Preller for the first time.
Nerds: For accepting my gift of a garage door opener to enable you to get out and participate in sports you never played.
Officials in every sport: For your historic inconsistencies, ruining game flow, and getting me up out of my chair for bathroom breaks I try to wait on.
“WKRP In Cincinnati” writers: For putting together the Thanksgiving “Turkey Drop” episode, one of the very best morsels TV has served.
The Dodgers: For making my year and (again) choking before chewing on the wishbone.
Roger Goodell: For making NFL football the worst thing to happen to Europe since 1939.
ESPN: For adding more to Cowboys lore than Duke Wayne, thus ensuring athletics west of Dallas are without importance.
Peter Seidler: For his great attempt to shake big time out of our weak sporting tree. Taken from us far too soon.
Brian Dutcher again has the Aztecs on a roll.
(Nelvin C. Cepeda/The San Diego Union-Tribune)
Brian Dutcher: For being the strong, fruitful limb on that tree, and doing what once was completely without possibility — getting State’s basketball team to the NCAA finale.
Steve Fisher: For seeing your great dream and promise fulfilled.
Blake Snell: For finally blacking out your inevitable bases on balls and becoming the best pitcher in baseball.
Bob Melvin: For finding your dream job, which certainly wasn’t here.
The Pac-12 Conference: For managing to be the best football conference without existing.
Joe Musgrove: For allowing me a mural on the last available building in San Diego.
Jim Harbaugh: For being OK with my refusal to give up my seat next to his then-fiance Sarah on a plane ride back from Kansas City (she was delightful).
Politicians: For getting George Washington to walk back from his “I can’t tell a lie,” to, “Why not, if it gets me elected and voters don’t care.”
Bike lanes: For keeping bicycles off of bike lanes.
Bill Belichick: For remaining general manager and giving other teams a chance.
Taylor Swift in a 2023 handout photo.
(Beth Garrabrant)
Taylor Swift: For making people forget Jane Russell married Bob Waterfield, and, as football’s most effective good luck charm, becoming the big favorite to be the NFL’s No. 1 overall draft choice in 2024.
SANDAG: For … Well, where the hell did y’all come from? Suggesting a tax on mileage? How long before we’re taxed on bodily functions — and how will that be monitored?
College polls followers: For somehow getting people to care about you. As James Brown would say: “Please, please, please” don’t.
Ham & Eggers: For continuing to gouge your constituents mercilessly, getting them to pay for things they’ve already been paying for, and yet still getting their votes.
The Ribbon Cutter Mayor: For hopelessly wasting your time and our money in your quest to eliminate the automobile and every single parking space in the city.
Lincoln Riley: For (almost impossibly) bringing The Falklands defense to college football.
Brandon Staley: For joining Riley in making L.A. America’s most defenseless city.
Rick Schloss: For paying attention to everything and being my eyes and ears, which ain’t what they used to be.
Caleb Williams: For being football’s greatest magician, getting out of straight jackets under water.
Midway and Hillcrest project plans: For being one of the many things we’re trying to screw up, making it easier to get around by putting thousands of people in small areas in desperate need of congestion..
Jonny Zbacnik defends during the open division championship game during the 70th Annual Over the Line World Championships on Fiesta Island in July.
(K.C. Alfred/The San Diego Union-Tribune)
Over The Line: For being one of the few things we haven’t managed to screw up.
Rob Manfred: For the pitch clock and hopefully thinking about knocking off the ghost runner.
Bob Cluck: For knowing more about baseball than anyone I can think of — and I can think of a lot who think they know a lot.
The Williams sisters: For remaining among the greatest athletes and role models born in America.
Justin Herbert: For at least getting the big payday from a cheap franchise without a fan base, without luck, and without leadership.
Mark Davis: For being the chip that didn’t come off the old block.
The Aztecs’ next football coach: For hopefully remembering Rod Dowhower, Don Horn, Dennis Shaw, Brian Sipe, Craig Penrose, Matt Kofler, Mark Halda, Dan McGwire, Todd Santos, Ryan Lindley, Billy Blanton, Kevin O’Connell, David Lowery and Adam Hall — you know, quarterbacks who once gleefully enrolled in the school.
Fredo Spanos: For nothing … and, OK, finally getting Stan Kroenke to accept an installment plan for his $1 stadium rent.
Paul Rudi: For once again pulling off a secular miracle with “Prep Pigskin Report,” which should win a Peabody Award. This is condensing “War and Peace” into a short story.
Rick Smith: For being my splint. Always setting me straight.
Travis Kelce: For somehow becoming the first man in 2,000 years to be everywhere at once (next: loaves and fishes and running routes on water).
Padres second baseman Ha-Seong Kim (7) attempts to tag out Cardinals catcher Andrew Knizner (7) at second base.
(Meg McLaughlin/The San Diego Union-Tribune)
Ha-Seong Kim: For being capable of any infield terrain, baseball’s four-wheel-drive Jeep.
Cilantro and bell pepper: For staying away from my Thanksgiving table — and from any of my tables.
Those who serve: For the ultimate sacrifice.
Bruce Bochy: For refuting Leo Durocher. Nice guys finish first.
Dan Orlovski: For being the best at explaining exactly what goes on during a crazy football game.
Jay Posner: For being my ex-boss — but seriously, an editor who managed to listen over his zillion opinions and, on occasion, for some reason, actually agreeing with me.
Ron Cota: For bravely trying to solve my solvency.
Dusty Baker: For simply being at one with baseball, a great ambassador who I hope retires well.
(Simone Biles is among the best gymnasts of all time. )
Simone Biles: For not going away.
Dion Rich: For your stories and generosity over many years — and, I know, posthumously enjoying seeing your name in here.
Don Orsillo and Mud Grant: For not only providing entertaining shock-absorbers over the Padres’ rough patches, but a possible solution to our growing pothole population.
Fernando Tatis Jr.: For growing up into a near Sr. — and baseball’s greatest showman.
USD athletics: For getting me to hope you can stop whatever crazy stuff on this green earth is going on up there.
Bill Swank: For being San Diego baseball’s Santa — and always our full-time Santa.
Manny Machado: For being a combination of James Joyce and William Faulkner. A hard read.
Tony Gwynn Jr.: For sounding so much like your dad you frighten me, maybe because no one I’ve ever known sounded like your dad.
Bill Center: For easily adding to his world-record byline total, which, I now am hearing, dates back to Gutenberg.
Teresa: For doing what no one else in the world could do. Put up with me. Mrs. Atlas lifting Earth.
