“I have always known I was gay, or into women more than men,” Nicole shared to Reddit. “I think I was only interested [sic] in men for the idea, and picture of it all.”
Nicole and Leroy* have been together for 13 years, but Nicole has struggled “more and more” with her sexuality as the years have gone by.
“I fell in love with a woman recently,” Nicole revealed. “I had my first full-blown sexual experience with a female. It was everything I had imagined and more!”
Describing the lesbian affair as the “best feeling in the world”, Nicole is concerned about her current living situation.
“I have a house, two kids…” Nicole began, adding that she feels guilty for cheating and guilty for wanting out of her marriage.
“I got drunk and had unprotected sex with my husband and now I am 14 weeks’ pregnant,” Nicole shared.
“I am in individual therapy and we are doing couples counselling,” Nicole said of her and Leroy.
“I have still been talking to the woman daily and miss her so much. I want to be with her and touch her every day.”
Nicole said: “I cringe when my husband touches me. But I feel like I have to stay for my kids and for this unborn child, that both my husband and I want.
“I’m struggling to be excited about the pregnancy… I know I love my husband, but I think as a friend and as a co-parent.
“I know [it would] break his heart and I want to make him happy because he has done so much to try and make me happy.”
Nicole added: “Ideally I would find a way to be attracted and in love with my husband and have that feeling of wholeness in my body and with myself with him, the way I do with this woman.
“That way there is no divorce and sharing the kids and holidays and all that mess. But I know that is not possible.”
Nicole is hoping for an “amicable” separation once the newborn is a few months old.
“Then my husband and I [can] remain close friends,” Nicole imagines. “Even do combined holidays at times.”
Nicole continued: “He can find a partner who is head over heels with him… a woman who does not cringe at his touch.”
She pleaded to the Reddit community: “Any advice or thoughts on this is greatly appreciated! I need some outside perspective.”
*Names have been changed.
