Sez Me …
Know how you can tell if you have a bad football team? When it consistently loses close games.
Know how you can tell if you have a bad football coach? If he consistently loses close games.
Know another way to tell if you have a bad football coach? If he goes all Ralph Kramden, waves his players toward the bus after another bad loss, and throws them under it — as Brandon Staley did last week, following yet another stupid, avoidable close loss in Green Bay.
Nobody since the merger has lost more close games than The NFL Team That Used To Be Here — you know, the Judases, L.A. Lodgers, Tinseltown Twerps — and what does that lead to? No championships.
Since 2020, they have lost 14 games by three points or less, five this season (no other team has more than two). And this isn’t baseball, folks. Football coaching now is a chess match, a survival of the smartest.
Yesterday’s genius is today’s chump.
Most bad franchises get rid of their coaches quickly, and often the organization is the problem, not necessarily the coach (although the majority can’t cut it).
For the Judases, it’s both. Fredo Spanos & Sons are cheap and weak, and have hired two good coaches since they bought the team in 1984 — Bobby Ross, who didn’t get along with the GM, and Marty Schottenheimer, who didn’t get along with the GM.
When given a choice — and I don’t know if Fredo ever tried to play marriage counselor to solve those domestic issues — owners are going to keep a good GM over a good coach. Harder to find.
But Fredo is a bad gunslinger, slow on the trigger when it’s obvious the coach he hired isn’t going to get it done.
How can any owner keep a totally unaccomplished coach who blows a 27-0 halftime lead to Jacksonville in the playoffs, losing (of course) by 1? Staley should have been fired before he changed into civilian clothes.
Staley was hired after one season as Rams defensive coordinator in 2020, when they led The League in total defense. One year is not enough. Prior to that, Staley’s NFL experience was as a linebackers coach with the Bears (2017-19) and Broncos (2019).
I think there’s great danger when your hire, as my dad used to say, “is a little too wet behind the ears.” Staley did not have the resume to become an NFL coach (Rex Ryan calls him a Division III coach). And I can safely assume it was son John Spanos — who runs football operations and makes these decisions (not, as most people believe, “GM” Tom Telesco) — who recommended Staley to Fredo, not the greatest judge of character.
Know what Fredo Spanos told me shortly into Kevin Gilbride’s first season? “This is not the man I interviewed a few months ago.”
You need to know no more.
Staley should have been fired already, which would give the organization a great chance to see how young offensive coordinator Kellen Moore, who will be a head coach somewhere, handles things through the remainder of the season. Justin Herbert deserves better.
If not, Jim Harbaugh doesn’t figure to be in Michigan’s future, sitting at home during more suspensions, and he’s one of the great program builders, a former Judas, and would be a great fit. Still searching for a title, but he has chops. He’s been there.
Speaking of titles, Bill Belichick, who has more rings than a Sequoia, is the oddsboys’ favorite to be the next Judases coach.
No questioning his credentials. But he’ll be 72 in April, and I don’t know if he can get enough defensive personnel in the room before he turns 80.
Plus, it’s hard to believe he’d take a job without total control. Fredo believes in checks and balances, a separation between coach and GM. He’s not demoting son John and hiring a capo di tutti capi, boss of all bosses.
Staley should get lost. But why the hell would Belichick want to work for Fredo Spanos? …
A.J. Preller somehow continues to make perfect managerial hires. …
Mike Shildt has the resume, deserves the Padres job, and has been here. But if he owns a home, he should consider selling and moving into a rental. …
Aztecs Athletic Director J.D. Wicker is interviewing defensive coordinators for his vacant head football coaching job? Completely, totally wrong. How about Matt Canada? …
Jeff Dotseth recommends Ed Orgeron for the Aztecs job. I never thought about it, but Jeff is a genius. Great call. …
Deion Sanders will bring Warren Sapp to his 2024 coaching staff. That’s all, folks. I’d send my sons to Moscow before Colorado. …
Why does Fox insist on showing Rams games here? L.A. doesn’t watch Rams games on TV anymore than it attends them. …
Forget the “easy schedule” crap. No NFL team is good enough to have an easy schedule. …
The “great” Jets D? Stinks. …
Another impossible? The Commanders sacked the Giants nine times and lost by 12. Admiral Nimitz did not say: “When in command, don’t command.” …
Another? The Chiefs are averaging 5.2 points per second half. No wonder. Their receivers have dropped 9 percent of the balls targeted to them. …
They may average less. Travis Kelce is considering retirement. He’s in more pain “than you can ever imagine.” Football is hard. …
Until a week ago I didn’t know what a drop tackle was. Glad it’s being banned. …
The League outlawed Stickum. If it banned gloves, we’d get bad futbol laced with hand balls. …
Mike McDaniel is a good coach, but a better slob. NFL fashion gendarmes don’t check coaches? …
McDaniel’s story of meeting his wife is classic. Guess he was dressing better then. …
Tony Romo’s Cowboy boots are showing a bit too much. Cowboys-Commanders drew 44.5-million viewers. They don’t need extra attention. …
Dallas has yet to beat a .500-plus club. I’m from Missouri on ESPN’s Team. …
Stat: The Cowboys’ DaRon Bland has a record five pick sixes, the same number of scores as the Patriots’ wide receiving corps. …
I like Ron Rivera a whole lot, but he’s not saving himself by firing his defensive coordinator after his “D” sacked the Giants QB 10 times and traded his two best defenders. …
How can a quarterback named DeVito be tall enough to play quarterback in the NFL? …
Utah QB Cam Rising is pulling a Blutarsky, rising for his seventh season at Utah, not all of them down the drain. Even BYU checked his birth certificate and decided he was too old. …
When USC goes to the Big Ten and plays Notre Dame, does it mean the teams won’t have to travel as far and we’ll lose the Greatest Intersectional Rivalry? …
Ohio State has better skill. Michigan has a better team. Harbaugh was watching LSU-A&M. …
When asked if he ever got tired of baseball, Cool Papa Bell said: “No, I only got old.” Oh, how I would have loved covering the Negro Leagues. …
The average price for the Vegas Formula 1 three-day package was $1,667. Or, a bit less than a hotel room. …
Happy 80th, Billie Jean King. One of the great interviews. My, what a brilliant, important person. …
Happy 85th, Oscar Robertson. The perfect player. The greatest player. …
Classic Tommy Lasorda, surprisingly without swear words, on catcher Mike Scioscia’s speed: “If he raced his pregnant wife, he’d finish third.” …
Colts owner Jim Irsay, talking about his drunk driving arrest: “I’m prejudiced against because I’m a rich, white billionaire.” Or, maybe it’s because you’re a jackass. Cops always can tell when a billionaire is behind the wheel. …
Why must football TV directors show closeups of players, coaches, owners, and fans following a play instead of replaying it. When I watch football, I like watching football. …
As cheerleaders go, I prefer Dolly Parton over Taylor Swift. …
It appears the Ham & Eggers are renting out Santa’s Place on December Nights (still should be Christmas on the Prado), and Bill Swank, the greatest of all human Santas, is out after 21 years. Are you people never ashamed? Isn’t the latest stupidity you’re planning for Grape Street in Little Italy enough? …
There are dogs and this city is going to them. …
Walking it back. Gregg Popovich hasn’t even finished this column and he’s booing it.
