Sez Me …
The University of Michigan’s football program is cheating. Sign stealing. Allegedly. Going to great lengths to do so. Perhaps. Maybe a lot. Maybe a little. Maybe not.
In any event, the Wolverines, under Jim Harbaugh, are being investigated by the NCAA’s carabinieri for what, if true, would leave a totally unnecessary black eye on the face of a fine institution of higher learning.
This is like Elon Musk picking pockets. The Big Why.
It just seems so filthy. And stupid. And cheap.
But what’s going on at USD is far, far more serious than stealing signs.
Cheating never has been alone in this world. Cheating has parents. It has ancestors. Millions of them, dating back to Virgil and the vastly outnumbered Greeks bearing gifts, which was the first sign the Trojans couldn’t play defense.
Let’s forget about the cheating druggies in sports, although they do prosper. PEDs are not creative.
Would Rosie Ruiz be famous if she had not cut to the front of the line at the Boston Marathon? Just another everyday administrative assistant who jogged before work and came up with a way to run her 15 minutes of fame into history books.
Anything for an edge, down through the eons. Love and war, where all is fair. Business. Industrial espionage. Politics are stinking with cheaters and liars.
Cheating in sports and games brings the most publicity. Baseball is the champion, and, if you can get away with it, cheating in baseball makes the most sense, because it is built on failure, the margin for winning so marginal. It can make the hardest of games easier.
Which brings us to the Michigan sign-stealing scandal, if there is one (assistant Connor Stallions, the smoking gun in the investigation, has “resigned,” kind of like Napoleon resigned). We’ve seen it with Spygate and the Patriots. Did Bill Belichick really need practice tapes of Jets practices?
It’s paranoia. Football coaches take paranoia to new levels. But this is the wrong sport for cheating, although coaches continue to cover their mouths with their playlists or have five players send in signals.
Says Deion Sanders, who played professional football and baseball and now coaches Colorado: “You can have somebody’s whole game plan. They can mail it to you. You still gotta stop it. In football it’s not as pronounced as baseball. If I know a curveball is coming, I got you. In football, I don’t give a damn. You know a sweep is coming, you still gotta stop it. It’s a physical game. You gotta stop it. I don’t buy into a lot of this stuff that somebody’s stealing this, stealing that.”
The Packers and Steelers made dynasties running about three plays.
Remember when the NFL Team that Used To Be Here accused the Oilers of stealing signs following their 1979 playoff debacle? Is that why Dan Fouts threw five picks?
Don Coryell, who saw an enemy behind every bush, used to put different practice jerseys on his stars for camouflage. He once sent PR aide/Sherpa Rick Schloss scrambling up a Mission Valley hill because he thought he spotted a spy. Think an enemy agent couldn’t tell it was wolf Kellen Winslow in sheep’s clothing?
Why can’t they all be like Pete Carroll? When Pete was running the best football program in America at USC, I went up to interview him after a practice. There was a large gate. Wide open. I could have been anybody, a college assistant, an unethical agent trying to get to his players. Didn’t matter. Pete didn’t care.
Know why? Because, even if you knew what the Trojans were doing, they were going to kick your ass into El Segundo. …
The remarkable Ron Fowler returns. With a vengeance. …
Memo to baseball nerds: Bruce Bochy is the greatest manager of the 21st century. And he’s 68 years old. …
Last two managers to win the Series before Boch? Medicare spokesmen Brian Snitker and Dusty Baker. …
Baseball is a young man’s game — to play. …
If you’re among those certain we’d be having a parade if Bochy had managed the Padres, you know nothing of baseball, nor are you an ordinary dreamer. You are Walter Mitty. …
If you’re worried about Peter Seidler’s finances, please stop, sit back, and concern yourself with mine. …
Again, Bochy was not managing for A.J.Preller. Again, Bob Melvin is an accomplished manager of baseball players. …
Bochy chose wisely, playing for GM Chris Young in Texas. Young may be the smartest person I’ve met in a clubhouse. …
Brock Purdy seems well on his way to becoming Mr. Irrelevant. …
Brian Flores is the best head coach not head coaching. A damn shame. …
Maxx Crosby is the most fun to watch defensive football player on earth. A monster with a nuclear appetite. …
If Maxx were a pitcher and his manager tried to pull him after six innings, he’d throw the skipper off the bridge. …
The Niners get edge rusher Chase Young for a third-round pick. The League has to start investigating these absurdities On the street, this would be grand theft. …
From Joe Pompliano: Depending on Jon Gruden’s settlement, the Raiders will pay between $40 and $80 million to Jon and Josh McDaniels not to coach the team, which now has had eight head coaches in 12 years. Al Davis, father of Mark, must be spinning like a souped-up roulette wheel. …
Some head coaches are meant to run the casino. Josh McDaniels isn’t even a pit boss. …
Seriously, is it McDaniel’s fault he couldn’t persuade Taylor Swift to take a Vegas residency? …
Belichick’s coaching tree has been purchased by Charlie Brown. …
I’d be all for putting the human element back into officiating — if there was one to put back. …
Bo Nix, 23, is approaching the age where he can start at BYU. …
The strange thing about the Aztecs’ bye week is that they scored. …
RIP, Frank Howard. No one hit a baseball harder. His launch angle, nerds, was straight — with a Mach 2 exit velo. …
Happy 82nd birthday, Otis Williams, the last surviving member and founder of the Temptations, the greatest singing group that ever was and ever will be. …
Bob Knight: “I’ve forgotten more about this game than you will ever know.” True. RIP. No matter what anyone thinks, one of our greatest coaches. In any sport. …
Knight’s 1975-76 Hoosiers were 32-0, the last unbeaten Division I basketball team. But people forget, the year before, when UCLA won it here without the best team (but with the best coach) — Indiana lost consensus All-America forward Mark May to a broken arm in late February, and still went 30-0 before losing in the Elite Eight. …
He went all Bob Knight here vs. Tennessee in the 1979 Cabrillo Classic, as Bill Center and I laughingly remember. Every break, Knight called senior Butch Carter over to the bench and berated him. Later, during another break, Carter came running over to Knight by habit and the coach hollered: “What the hell are you doing here? Get your ass back out there!” …
RIP to one one of our greatest and classiest sprinters, San Diego High’s Bobby Staten, who went on to captain USC’s 1961 NCAA champion track team. …
When genius Clock Management coaches retire, they should be given broken gold watches. …
Oblique is the new ACL.
